Trolls, Sevak, Sanyasi – Meet Bollywood’s #Boycott Brigade

For over 70 years, the Central Board of Film Certification has been assiduously reining in the filmmakers in India. Nonetheless, it’s now time it makes way for the ‘Dharma Censor Board’ – a newly constituted body set up by prominent Hindu seer Avimukteshwaranand Saraswati to make the adventurous filmmakers toe the line. Imagine, what a delight it would be for Saraswati ji to review an Anurag Kashyap flick after years of meditation and attaining inner peace.

But broadly, we Indians are an oversensitive race or perhaps have gradually become one due to climate change. The race that anciently fought the mightiest armies of the world, now utters ‘ouch’ on being pricked by something as ordinary as a ‘bikini’.

The recent outrage sparked by the saffron colour of Deepika Padukone’s ‘bikini’ in a loosely composed song ‘Beshram Rang’ has reminded us Indians about where our absolute priorities lie. Despite this fact, many of those offended were comfortable in secretly watching Imran Hashmi pulling the strings off Tanushree Dutta in ‘Ashique Banaya Aapne’ on their TV sets back in 2005 or titillating over BJP MP Ravi Kishan’s Rimjhim Barsela Sawan or getting high on Akshay Kumar’s Hare Ram Hare Ram.

Such is the need to call for a nationwide boycott of Pathan that our oversensitive janta ka sevak Dr. Narottam Mishra ji had to put aside the pressing concerns of Madhya Pradesh to spearhead this outrage. Now don’t ask ‘Who’s Narottam Mishra?’ the question should be ‘Who’s Shahrukh Khan?’ as asked by honourable Assam CM Himanta Sarma. It later took PM Narendra Modi to tap the shoulders of Mishraji and his ilk and ask them not to go off the nation’s development track and leave films’ scrutiny to the CBFC.

But the warriors of the boycott battalion give two hoots about it. The outrage has since only gotten stronger. While the world is making the most of the VFX technology in creating masterpieces like Avatar universe, our film industry is being asked to cover the bare bellies and change the colours of bikinis. The modern-day Anna Wintours of Hindutava should start their own fashion magazine ‘Hindogue’ wherein the designs that conform to Hindutva are displayed in full view for future reference.

Though it is still debatable if it is the boycott culture or cliched concepts and unwillingness to evolve that are sinking Bollywood’s titanic, the internet trolls are providing much-needed publicity to the films that were anyway bound to doom. But imagine the pride that an unknown troll inhales after believing that his call to boycott Bollywood on social media would bring the whooping Rs 10,000 crore industry down. It is cute, isn’t it?

Meanwhile, the troll forum can also introspect if it would be much easier to create a masterpiece of their own to counter the Bollywood movies they usually despise. But then, it would require courage, creativity and capital. And, will end the whole fun of pulling off this palaver of trending hashtags. Hence, it would be better to wear unnecessary outrage and stupidity as a badge of honour and enjoy this dance of democracy.